3 Honest Reasons to Stop Reading About Personal Development
Personal improvement books. Positive mindset blogs. Financial improvement podcasts. E-books on building your dream career.
This content is EVERYWHERE these days! We live in a world where an infinite amount of information, advice and how-tos are all right at our fingertips! How lucky are we?!
We are so fortunate to live in a world where the answers to literally any question are just a click away. We can change our lives in any aspect we can think of with the information that we have access to.
So what’s the problem?
The problem is that many of us—myself included—spend more time reading motivational and inspirational material about how to change our lives…and not enough time changing our lives!
I’ll give you an example from my own life. I recently left my secure job as a mental health professional with a non-profit organization and am now working to make a name for myself as an independent contractor at a private practice. In a new city. In a new state. Where I have no contacts. No reputation. No street cred. No nothing! And while I am a contractor for a private practice, the business I acquire and my income earned is almost wholly up to me.
This is the first time in my life that I am essentially building my own brand and my own business. The first time I have to learn the ropes of working with insurance companies, developing and implementing clinical policies, and billing and collecting on payments. This is the first time I have to market my services in order to obtain the amount of business I need to earn a living. This is the first time in my life I have not worked for a company that guarantees full-time pay, health care benefits, and retirement matching.
I’ve spent a good amount of time reading about the best ways to market myself and my services. Marketing materials I can use that will catch potential customers’ eyes. Online presence that will help me build my reputation and attract business.
I’ve done all the reading, and all the researching, and all the planning to make my business successful.
This information is great. And it helps me to feel like there really are things I can be doing to grow this business and not just sitting around hoping that clients will manifest out of thin air.
But the information is not going to get me to where I need to be.
I will get me to where I need to be!
As long as I put down what I’m reading and take action!
Action: Required.
Action is the integral ingredient needed to change your life. Reading about how to change your life—while inspirational—is not action. And here is where I see a lot of people getting stuck.
You start to read about a topic that you believe will help improve an aspect of your life. And then you read some more. And then, you find a recommendation in the current reading for another piece of reading that we can read about said topic (how many times have I typed the word ‘read’??). You may even do a little planning about how to put all this information into action. And then you find an area of your plan you think needs to be researched a bit more. So you continue reading, researching, planning, and reading some more.
The problem with this cycle is that you are spending all of your precious time reading, and none of your precious time doing!
So why, even in today’s world with the amount of knowledge and information you have right before your eyes, are you not using this information to make the changes you want for yourself?
I want to talk about three major reasons why I believe that so much of this reading is not computing to taking action.
You feel like you need to be 100% “prepared” to get started.
Here’s the catch-22 with there being so much information out in the world: you start to feel like you need 100% of the information out there before you can take action toward our goal. You want to feel totally certain that you are completely prepared before taking action.
Here’s an example: You want to run a marathon.
What if you spent the next 3 weeks researching everything from the best type of shoes for long-distance running, to what to eat to fuel your runs and how many nano-ounces of water you need to be optimally hydrated based on your weight, height, eye color, and the fact that I woke up last night once because I heard a dog bark in the middle of the night.
See what I mean?
What if—instead—you just….went for a run?
What will get you closer to your goal of running that marathon: heading out the door for that first run or the information about the optimal water percentage in your body?
Now. I know you may thinking, “Katie, come on. Running a marathon is a huge goal and starting to train for such a distance without any preparation is careless and will leave you injured and burned out. There needs to be a plan in place to be able to reach that type of goal.”
I agree with you on this!
My point here is that so many of us get stuck focusing on the minute details of how and why and where and when. We inundate ourselves with so much information that we start to wonder, ‘what else do I not know? How could I possibly start working toward this goal if there is still so much I still have to learn? If I start now, without ALL the knowledge…I’ll never be successful!’
You are waiting to feel motivated before taking action.
Maybe you’ve done your homework and have decided that you do, in fact, have all the information you need to get started on achieving that goal of yours! But then a voice in your head says, ‘You know what? I’m pooped after all this planning! I’ll just wait get started on this tomorrow morning when I am nice and refreshed.’
Or maybe it’s a Thursday and you tell yourself, ‘I’ll start this coming Monday. That’s when I’ll be the most motivated and ready for all these changes.’
Or how about, ‘There’s just gotta be that one article out there that is going to be my aha moment. Once I find the motivation I am looking for, I’ll ALWAYS have the inspiration I need!’
You guys!
Our primitive brains (I’m going to refer to this as the PB) will think of any possible reason to not get started right now:
You’re tired.
It’s the weekend.
Your dog just sneezed and you think he may be coming down with a cold so it’s best to wait until he’s feeling better so you don’t have to worry about him…
The truth is, success does not come from working only when you are feeling motivated and at your best. If you’re like me, it’s a rare occasion when the universe aligns and I am full of energy and inspiration, AND I’ve just eaten so I’m not hangry, AND the dogs are taken care of, AND the house is clean, AND I have the time I need to tackle that goal I want to achieve.
No.
Success happens when you take action NOW and don’t wait until you feel inspired or motivated.
The newness and excitement of a setting goal and starting to take action wares off pretty quickly when you run into the first hiccup. You don’t have wifi. It’s raining out. Your marketing strategy didn’t bring in as much business as you thought. It’s lonely.
There absolutely will be times when your motivation is running on empty. You will need to push past this and get going anyway. If you wait until perfect conditions to get started, you’ll never get started.
You are waiting to stop feeling scared before taking that first step.
Taking a step toward living out your dream is Really. Freaking. Scary.
Why is it that making changes so we can achieve better results in our lives is so terrifying?
Because we have absolutely no idea what the result is actually going to look like.
Let’s say you are truly considering leaving your job (before you do that, thought, read this). The pay is decent and you enjoy your co-workers, but you don’t feel a sense of purpose, and you have this nagging feeling that there may be something better out there for you.
You do all the research: You make a list the pros and cons of leaving your job. You read all the articles on how to quit, when to quit, and what to put in your resignation letter. You read stories of other people in similar positions who have left their jobs and feel inspired by their action. You look for alternative positions and have interviewed for several new opportunities. Heck, you may even have an offer or two lined up.
Yet you still can’t bring yourself to make the leap.
Remember that primitive brain (PB) of ours? It just LOVES when we continue the behaviors that we currently sustain. The PB likes what it knows, and it sees anything out of the norm as a threat to the safety and stability of our lives. This is true even if, ultimately, the behavior is causing us pain and suffering. According to the PB, pain and suffering that we are familiar with is always better than the pain and suffering that we are unfamiliar with.
This is why you go into panic mode at the mere thought of making a major life change. Why would you leave a job that you know how to do and that provides a steady income, when you have no idea what a new job is going to be like?
What if you resign from your current position and your boss is so mad, she walks you out the door that very minute? What if the new job is worse? What if you don’t make it through the probationary period? What if you’re not good at your new job? What if your boss hates you? What if your new coworkers conspire against you? Gosh, if you leave your current gig and accept this new job, you will—without a doubt—suck at it, get fired, and be out on the streets without a penny to your name before you can even update your LinkedIn profile!
These are the thoughts that come from our PB. Our PB is a wonderful catastrophizer. But what the PB is incapable of is visualizing more reasonable—more probable—outcomes. You will resign from your job and though your superiors and colleagues will feel sad, they will wish you well in your new career. You will begin your new job and, yes, struggle to learn new policies, procedures and ways of the workplace, but you will most likely be more than capable of taking on the demands of the new position. You will slowly get to know new co-workers and become comfortable with your new routine. And so on.
Where does reading about personal development come into play with this idea?
I think so many of us believe that there is something out there that we will be able to read, listen to, or otherwise consume that will negate all the fear and apprehension we have about pursuing our goal. “If I can just find the perfect Instagram quote that will erase all my fear about leaving this tired job, I can finally put my resignation in,” or, “I’ll be able to finally pursue my dream of starting my own company when I have enough personal development information under my belt and feel completely ready.”
I’m going to share something with you that you may not want to hear. Ready for it??
You are NEVER not going to feel scared and apprehensive starting something new. EVER.
Whether it’s starting a new job after 20 years with the same company or picking a different flavor of ice cream at the grocery store, you will ALWAYS feel some level of discomfort making a new choice if you’ve never done it before. It’s our brain’s way of trying to keep us safe. We are biologically programmed this way.
If you are waiting to feel completely confident and fearless about jumping into something new, you will never get started.
How to Walk the Talk
How hypocritical of me to write an article about not reading articles about changing your life! I know, I know.
My sincere hope for writing this is that you simply become more mindful about the idea that no amount of reading, researching, or planning will get you up off the couch and living the life you want until you commit to stepping into the discomfort of making changes.
Here are a few ways to finally be able to take the action you’ve been wanting to for so long:
Allow yourself to feel the fear….seriously.
If you take anything away from this post, I hope it’s this. You are absolutely, positively going to have some level of anxiety, fear, and/or apprehension when you decide to move forward with a change in your life. Accepting this truth will allow you to be more tolerant of these feelings when they do come up.
Most of us are incredibly effective at buffering or numbing any type of discomfort in our lives. We do so with distracting behaviors. When it comes to the uneasiness that typically accompanies setting and achieving goals, the behaviors often take form of either coming up with excuses as to why we aren’t capable of achieving our goal (eg. ‘I’m too busy,” “I’m not smart enough,” “Other people have already done this.”), or procrastination (eg. SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME CONSUMING PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT INFORMATION!!).
Take some time to really sit with that discomfort.
What does it feel like in your body? Does your stomach tighten up? Do you get dizzy? Does your heart start racing? Do you get a headache?
What doubts come up? Are you not actually qualified to do the kind of work you want to do? Are you convinced you will fail?
Once you really allow yourself to be with your emotions and thoughts about the fear of getting started, you will start to realize that they are just that: emotions and thoughts! They will not to harm you. You are capable to having those emotions/thoughts AND taking action. The two aren’t mutually exclusive!
Set a designated amount of time to research, plan, and prepare for your goal. Once that timer’s up, it’s time to take action!
I wholeheartedly believe that achieving most goals in life require at least some amount of preparation. That marathon you’re planning to run? Yeah, you most likely won’t perform your best running in your 12-year-old gardening shoes that your cat chewed a hole in. You may not even make it to the race’s starting line if you get lost in the woods after setting out for a run without researching a trail back to your car!
Set a specific amount of time you think will appropriate for planning your goal. Marathon runner, that means you may say one hour of research time would be sufficient to order some new kicks and plan out your first couple running routes.
Don’t worry about how far or how fast you go, or even how many walk breaks you take before getting to the end of your street. Because you know what? You just got your first run in!
Trust yourself to seek out additional information as you go along.
Throughout your journey, it is certainly wise to take some additional prep time if needed, and as you go along, you will figure out what other information you will need.
But DO NOT let too much reading, researching and planning be the reason you never get started.
The only way you will learn about what additional information you will need to continue with the success of your goal is by actually doing some of the things that will start moving you closer to your goal.
Picture this: You are several months into your marathon training…and you live in the Midwest…and summer is turning into fall. You start to realize that the shorts and tank tops you have been running in over the summer ain’t gonna cut it for your brisk morning runs anymore.
If you had been sitting your butt on the couch up until now drawing pretty running plans with your new colored pencils into your spiraled notebook and reading all the articles titled, How Running Changed My Life, you would not have had the experience of being outside in the changing climate to know that your current wardrobe needs some updates.
Learn to trust that the more you do, the more you will learn.
How I Walk the Talk
Earlier I mentioned to you how I’ve been doing all the reading and all the prep work to figure out how to build a business in mental health for myself.
One evening, I was outside cutting my grass and listening to a personal development audiobook that was discussing how people stay inactive because doing so does not challenge their current perception of themselves and the possibility of failure.
It was a lightbulb moment for me. I thought about how no amount of learning and educating myself about building a business will actually build my business unless I actually get out there and get to work!
Since then I’ve been hauling butt doing all things I know will, at the very least, get me started with getting my name out there. I knew I needed to figure out a way for people to be able to find and connect with me if they are interested in counseling services.
I’ve posted flyers.
I’ve passed out business cards.
I’ve begged the local newspaper to run a mental health-related article I wrote in their publication with my contact information at the bottom.
I’ve attended local business open houses and met other business owners in the area.
I’ve added myself to several popular mental health directories.
Are all these actions the absolute best way to market myself and my new business? I have no idea! But what I do know is that in doing all these things, I’ve learned the following:
I can feel really intimidated by doing things I’ve never done before (eg. walk into an unfamiliar building with unfamiliar people and talk myself up) and do them anyway.
I’ve walked away from interactions thinking, “That went so great! And next time, here is something I can do to make it even better.” I’m learning along the way!
I don’t have to listen to my PB telling me all the reasons I really don’t need to post the flyers with my face on them.
I don’t have to have absolute certainty that something I try is the ‘right’ thing to be doing or that it will definitely work out in my favor.
So, whether you are the potential marathon runner, the newbie blogger, the aspiring business owner, or the person that just needs to get a damn load of laundry done: Go. Now. Get up from where you are and start doing whatever it is you think will get you just a little bit closer to that goal of yours.
Not even the cutest, most inspirational Instagram quote will do this for you. It’s up to you.
PLEASE! Leave me a message and let me know what it is you have gotten up and started…I’d love to hear about your action!
Happy doing, everyone!
